Today’s the big day I’ve been waiting for. It’s January 16, 2018 and it’s my first prenatal appointment! As I’m sitting here patiently waiting, I have this overwhelming fear of excitement. Not sure if that even makes sense LOL, but I’m sure you’ve had those weird jitters. As I here my name get called I get even more anxious and I have about a million questions I want to ask. Technically now I’d be an estimated 8 weeks due to my last calculated cycle. The Doctor begins the ultrasound and so far everything is looking normal. “She starts by saying the placement of the baby is where it should be, my only concern is we have no heartbeat.” At this point I don’t recall hearing anything else and everything she said after that pretty much sounded like an echo. I just happened to look over at my boyfriend which he already noticed my entire vibe had changed. Trying not to panic I remained calm until they finished the sonogram and all the bloodwork.
My doctor decides to send me down to another office for a specific ultrasound to make sure if what she’s seeing is correct. Now I’m at another office with a tech that can’t really tell me anything because she isn’t my doctor. All I really got from her was “she can see a sac and Im sorry you’ll have to wait to speak with your doctor” (imagine the thoughts going through my head). For the next couple of days I remember being a nervous wreck. I also had been spotting which I was worried about and of course here I go googling my life away looking up my symptoms (prolly not the best idea). I remember being at work when I received the phone call from my doctor with the results of my bloodwork. She began to tell me that my progesterone levels are dropping low which may cause a miscarriage. As the doctor is speaking I completely blanked out. I got this big lump in my throat and I tried my best to hold back my tears. As I headed back to my desk is when I really processed everything and I just broke down crying to the point I had to leave work. My emotions were just all over the place for the rest of the day and to top it I just kept spotting. By that point I was just mentally preparing myself for the worst and I just kept thinking that maybe it just wasn’t my time.